Embarrassment and Stupidity

This poem was written by one of my most talented and creative students. It reads (errors unchanged):

Carelessly, you took the dare.
Now your hearing firetrucks everywhere.
You stuck your tounge to the pole.
Hopefully it comes off as a whole.
Jumping over bags you tripped.
Mad and hurt you ran and slipped.
Forgot to check on your way back to class.
Everyone smiles, but it's not your project on grass.
Because now you know you cry boo hoo.
You have toilet paper stuck to your shoe.
Trying to be funny you tell a joke.
A pause goes by and you start to choke.
The joke wasn't a hit because no one laughed but you.
Walking away you act like you have the flu.
Embarrasment and stupidity is something you can't deny.
It happens over and over as the time flys by.

This was written by the same girl who decorated a pair of jeans for her book project on The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. I often feel like I'm not teaching my students anything (see spelling errors in poem above), but at least some are comfortable enough to express themselves in my classroom. I think I have created a respectful, friendly environment where my students don't fear persecution from peers or me. However, on the technical side I'm weak. Another student's poem read:

All we do in Language Arts is read and write
I don't know if I even spelled that right

I know middle school is all about feeling accepted and loved, but I feel like I'm letting my students down academically. I feel like they want to learn more and I'm not providing it. I went to dinner with a student's parent last night who is also a teacher at my school. She asked me what standards were taught in 8th grade Language Arts and I couldn't help but feel like she was accusing me of not teaching anything to her daughter. I think it was all in my head and she had no harmful or accusatory intentions, but it just got me wondering about what I'm really trying to accomplish. I had difficulty answering her question because there isn't anything specific I am teaching. Language Arts is full of layers and the teaching of analysis and abstract thinking. How is that a concept you have a unit on and test at the end? Still, I think that with all the extra hours of prep time I'm putting in, I should feel as though my kids are learning something. The only thing I'm proud of is the sense of community I've created. I suppose that's a pretty big achievement for my first year teaching, especially 8th grade.

I think that at the root of all this worry is the knowledge that my students have to take the writing test and the CST soon, and I'm going to have to start teaching to the test. I really don't want to do this. I should be teaching kids to love reading and to express themselves with words, not to know how to analyze a test question. People don't retain information that they don't repeatedly use. I've always been horrible at remembering things. Which is why I think I'm not a very good teacher. How can I teach the importance of things I don't even know myself? But I do like to read and I do like to write and I especially like to read words that I can identify with. Connectivity is important and I don't think I even know how to teach that. At least I can be satisfied that I'm a decent role model and some of my students feel comfortable enough in my classroom to take risks.