Jitters

Tomorrow is the first day of school, and I'm nervous. I always feel nervous. Everyone feels nervous. Even my grandmother, who taught for over 30 years, felt nervous on the first day of school. I'm not so nervous about what kind of kids I'll get (although there is a little of that); I'm mostly nervous that I'll repeat my same mistakes again. Each year I start with good intentions, but then I get tired or feel a little outside my comfort zone, and find an easy routine that works well, even if I could be doing better. It's my 5th year, and it's time to move out of my comfort zone.
Becoming a writer is my most important goal this year. A writer who shares her growth with her students. I have great lesson plans, and they're all there in my computer and in my file cabinet easy to find. I'll find them, think about what could have made them better, tweak them a little, and teach them the best I can. I'll continue to create new, interesting assignments, like I've always done. I'll continue to find outside literature to supplement Prentice Hall, I'll continue to find ways to teach grammar and vocabulary (I've experimented over the years, but have yet to create a good system), and I'll continue to share and enjoy great novels.
Having great lesson plans, though, is meaningless if I can't share myself with my students. If I don't express myself or let them know who I am on a deeper level, they won't share with me. They won't share just because it's an assignment. They'll do the minimal work. If I want them to be thoughtful and dig down inside themselves, I have to model the same. If I want them to develop a strong classroom community and participate more, I need to show them that it's a safe place. It makes perfect sense, and of course, it's easier said than done: If I want them to open up to me, I have to open up to them first.